I got married at the age of 21 so I have been married going on 11 years now. To me 21 is still a young age, so you can say that I didn’t have a clue of what being a wife consisted of. My interpretation of a wife was a homemaker. One who stayed home cooked, cleaned and tended to the children. If you would have asked me in my high school days if I was going to get married the answer would have been NO! I was very independent with a strong personality. I knew what I wanted and I had an idea of how and when I was going to get it. So when I did get married I really struggled with giving all of “Me” in my marriage. Read more about the struggles I faced in my marriage in my book It Takes Two. Get it here:
The Fear of loosing “Me”
To be honest I was afraid of loosing myself, something that took me 21 years to create. The only married couple that I was around was my grandparents. My grandmother raised me most of my life and she poured into me to be independent. As a matter of fact I could hear her voice inside my head; “Don’t ever let a man rule you, don’t ever let a man tell you what to do!” You can imagine the struggles I had, with apart of me wanting to be the best wife and pour all of me into my marriage, and the other part of me saying No you are going to loose yourself. The fear that I had was that once I got married I had to change who I was, change the things I liked, for my husband. So it was like I was holding on to me afraid to let go. In turn this really affected my marriage because I was selfish and not submissive. One thing that I learned about fear is that it will cripple you, it will hinder you from moving forward, and it will place you in a box that you think you can’t escape from.
The Wife In “Me”
So after the battling within myself I learned that I could still be a Wife, Mother, and Me. I learned that I wasn’t giving up my identity once I was married. It took me awhile by going the hard way to figure this out but I am so glad that I did. Once I knew that my husband loved me for who I was not for who I was going to change into. There is a lot of pressure placed on women who are new wives, especially if you have children. Well let me speak for myself, I had a lot of pressure on me. Being the good “textbook” wife (which I found out its not one) being the best mother, plus sister, daughter and all of the above. One thing is for sure when you do become married, two people are coming together, that means two personalities, two mindsets, and two different opinions. Don’t think for a second that you have to change who you are to become more like your spouse. The key to a successful marriage is learning how to bring those two people, and two personalities together to make the marriage work. Too many women fall into that trap where they feel like they have to melt themselves into their husbands. In the midst of all the molding you loose yourself, and before you know it, you don’t know what you like to do, don’t know what you like to eat, don’t have interest in things you use to. All because you have molded yourself into your husband and you follow along with what he likes to do, what he likes to eat, etc.
When people look at me, first of all they say I’m young, and then they just cant believe that I am a wife and mother of four beautiful children. Its not easy but I get the job done for the many hats I wear in life and still remain true to myself. This is a freedom that is unexplained, I can be free to be myself and within myself I am also a Wife and Mother who is loved by her husband and children. So many people wonder how I do it all and still manage to be “Me”.
- Don’t feel as you have to loose yourself when you gain a husband.
- Make time for yourself and do something that is pleasing to you.
- Remain true to yourself and don’t box yourself in to change your identity.
- Be confident
I can honestly say that my life as a wife has been a learning experience, one that I made mistakes but took notes from the ones I made. I am excited to be sharing with you all, the things that I went through and what I learned to help you and your “Wife Life”!
I am a firm believer that we all should learn from our mistakes. Learning from your mistakes allows you to move forward in life instead of going around the same mulberry bush again and again. It also allows you to help others before they even make the mistake.
Talk To You Soon,