What does it mean to be submissive?
Yes! I am talking about it, its a word that so many women have problems with and its also a word that people take out of context all the time. The word is “Submissive”. What does this word mean to you? What do you associate with this word and why?
Have you ever heard of people quoting the bible scripture in Ephesians about wives submitting themselves unto their husbands? People (unlearned men in general) take this and run with it. They seem to think that it means that the woman is beneath them, therefore when he says jump she says how high. NOT so! Some women believe this too, in fact I was one of those women and that’s one of the reason why I bucked every time I thought my husband was “trying” to rule me.
Three different types of women
Now when it comes to this submissive thing I have found out that you have three different types of women. I am going to be very real and transparent, so if you feel like one of these categories fits you don’t get offended!!
- The first one is what I would call the Door mat. This is the one that perceives the word submissive as being that she’s the weaker vessel and her husband has the say so in everything. Yes, the bible does say that the wife is the weaker vessel but by all means it doesn’t mean she is not capable of making decisions and having her own mindset. This is where people get it twisted, and women start feeling as if they are beneath men and they feel like they will be looked down on so they must stay in their place. Marriage isn’t a dictatorship!
- The second one is called Too Independent. Earlier in my marriage I was in this category, and after went to the extreme of the first category. But in this category the women by all means is Mrs.Independent. She does things on her own and feels as if she doesn’t need her husband to do anything. And if he tries to do anything she quickly reminds him that she can do it. The women in this category thinks if she lets the man do anything that’s opening the door for him to control her. I was raised mostly by my grandparents, and my “gma” always taught me to be independent. She always told me to never let a man rule me, never to let a man tell me what to do, never to let a man use me for a doormat. She also taught me that I can do things for myself and that women are just as good as men are. She use to always say that when a man starts doing things for you, he’s going to think he rules you. What she taught me about a women being able to accomplish things just as men are able to. But theirs a balance in it.
- The third one is called, The Balance. It took me awhile to get to this point. I went from one extreme to the other. To be in this category its going to take a lot of maturity and understanding of what your role is as a wife. Knowing your role as a wife in your marriage will help you understand so many things. When a woman gets to this point, she realizes that she is there to love her husband, respect her husband, to be there for her husband, and vice versa. No one is better than the other and both roles are equal in the marriage. As husband and wife you are in the marriage together, so anything that life throws at you, you both face it with faith together. I found out that when you work together with your husband things get easier, than trying to do things by yourself, especially when you don’t have to. Learn more about what your role is as a wife and how knowing your role benefits your marriage, in my book It Takes Two, get it here:
Bringing it all together
So I know you may be asking so what does it mean to be submissive? Being submissive is all about having respect in your marriage. Showing respect for for your husband and your husband having respect for you, in all areas. Respect goes a long way, from respecting who he is as your husband, respecting his opinions and ideas, and respecting what he does for the marriage. God does handle things decently and in order, therefore he has set the marriage in divine order. The husband and wife have roles that they should step into. The divine order that God has set into place is that, he has placed the husband as the head of the home and marriage. That’s where we get head of household from. Now this doesn’t mean that men should go around boasting and dictating! This is why its so important to know your roles in the marriage so you can fulfill it in its capacity. Get a more in-depth look at knowing your roles.
Ladies you can still be submissive and still have your independence. You will not loose your voice, and you will not be forgetting who you are. Being submissive creates oness in a marriage, which places you on one accord with one another. Remember when you are submissive you are showing love and respect. What ever category you find yourself in remind yourself that marriage is a partnership, not a dictatorship and you need your husband and he needs you!
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Talk To You Soon,